Game of Thrones, Season 1, Ep. 1, Part 4 (The Lannisters Are Coming! The Lannisters Are Coming!)

This is my screenshot summary of Game of Thrones Season 1 Episode 1, Part 4 (The Lannisters Are Coming, The Lannisters are Coming!)

Want to see a different part or episode? Go HERE for a complete list of completed summaries.

Warning: Spoilers within, and a note that dialogue is not necessarily directly from the episode. This blog also contains completely inappropriate amounts of profanity.

'Nuff said.

Bellringer: Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, Banana Phone!

Silent Sisters: ...

Jon Arryn: Well, hello there. So glad you could make it to my funeral.  Do try the pickled fetus in glass jar, it is divine.  Oh!  I forgot to offer you a drink!  How silly of me. Would you like coffee, tea.....

Jon Arryn: Or Me?  *blows kiss*

 Cersei Lannister: I am so thrilled that you are dead, old man, that imma lean here in drippings of birdshit and gloat over your wrinkly ass.

Jaime Lannister: Hey, sis. What crawled up your ass and died?  You should be happy that the Hand of the King is dead.

Cersei: I am happy, but worried.  Jon Arryn was asking questions about us before he died.  He thought we were fucking each other secretly.

Jaime: ....we ARE fucking each other secretly.

Cersei: I know that.  My point is, what if he told the King before he died?

Jaime: You worry too much.  If the King knew you were giving me head every night, neither one of us would HAVE heads right now.

Cersei: Gods, say it a little louder, why don't you?

Jaime:  Settle down, bitch.  The only people within earshot are a dead guy and the Silent Sisters.  They're called "Silent Sisters" for a reason, you know.  By the way, did you know that you're leaning in a big puddle of birdshit?

Cersei:  You know, sometimes I really hate your fucking guts.

Jaime: I know.  So. Wanna go have angry sex?

Cersei: Does the pope shit in the woods?

Jon Arryn: Can I come with? I like to watch.

~*~*~

Raven: You've got mail, motherfuckers.

Catelyn: Hey, honey-- how's that um...sword cleaning coming?

Ned: Catelyn!  I'm glad to see you, light of my life!  I wanted to plan our next date night-- I thought maybe we could go into the village-- they're going to shear the sheep tonight, and you know how horny that makes me...

Catelyn: Yeah, about that.... I don't know how to tell you this, but the man you were like a son to is dead.

Ned: You really know how to kill the mood, Cat.

Catelyn: I know, I'm sorry.  That's not all though.  The King is coming here, and he is bringing his bitch Queen and her whole family with him.

Ned: There's only one reason he could have to travel all the way to this freezing backwater.  He must want me to be Hand of the King.

Catelyn: You can always tell him no, Ned.

Ned: One does not simply walk into Mordor, Catelyn.

Ned: Wait, where the fuck am I?

TO BE CONTINUED...