Game of Thrones, Season 1, Ep. 1, Part 2 (A Nice Day for a Slight Beheading)

This is my screenshot summary of Game of Thrones Season 1 Episode 1, Part 2 (A Nice Day for a Slight Beheading)

Want to see a different part or episode?  Go HERE for a complete list of completed summaries.


Warning: Spoilers within, and a note that dialogue is not necessarily directly from the episode. This blog also contains completely inappropriate amounts of profanity.

 Will: Run away, run away, run away, run away, run away!

 Will: Shit.  

 Winterfell, the great Northern castle and stronghold of the Starks.  Lovely scenery, isn't it?  About as cheerful as Glenn Beck's outlook for the future.  Time to meet the Starks!

Rickon Stark: This is the happiest you'll see me all series, if you ever figure out who I am.
Bran Stark:  Aw, man-- I suck at this sport.
Robb Stark: *smirk*  I don't.

Arya Stark: Aw, man-- I suck at needlework.
Sansa Stark: *smirk*  I don't.

 Jon "Not a Stark" Snow:  Now, don't fuck up-- our father and your mother are watching.
Bran: That's an overly complicated method of explaining that you're only my half-brother.
Jon: Yes, I know.

Ned & Catelyn Stark: Yep, we're watching. See us watching?  We're watching from this watching balcony.

Arya: Ha ha! I'm better at archery than Bran!

Bran:  Bawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Ser Rodkrik Cassel:  Lord and Lady Stark, I bring grave news.  We have captured a Night's Watch deserter nearby.
Theon Greyjoy:  I wish I was man enough to have a neckbeard I could BRAID.

Ned: Right. Lord Neckbeard, throw on some Sabbath tunes and tell the boys to saddle their horses.  Bran, too.
Catelyn: But, but, but-- he's only 10!

Ned: He has to grow up sometime, Cat.

I DID.

Will: No, seriously guys-- there were ice zombies and they cut off the heads of my friends, and they mutilated a bunch of Wildlings, but then the Wildlings came back alive and were ice zombies too, and this one chick ice zombie-- well I, I think she had a crush on me.

Ned: You do realize how batshiat insane you sound, right?

Will: *sigh*  Yeah, I know.  I'm not bullshitting you, I swear.  The ice zombie chick kept following me, and her eyes were all blue like ice.

Ned:  Mmkay.   Well, let's get on with it, then.

Ned:  I, Eddard of the House Stark, Grand Muckety Muck of the North for King Robert the Fat and Lecherous, First of his Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, "Protector" of the Realm, do sentence you to die for the crime of running away when faced with hordes of ice zombies.
Will: 'tis a fair cop.

Jon: Don't look away. Father will know if you do.
Bran: Does it look like I'm looking away, asshole?  STFU with the helpful advice already.

Ned: BOOM!  HEADSHOT!

Ned: Do you understand why I had to do it?

Bran: Because we're Starks, and have to be more badass than those pussies down South?

Ned: Yeah, that about covers it.

TO BE CONTINUED..... Read the Next Part Here: Ep. 1, Part 3 - Definitely Not an Allegory

Game of Thrones, Season 1, Ep. 1, Part 1 (White Walkers)

This is my screenshot summary of Game of Thrones Season 1 Episode 1, Part 1 (White Walkers).

Want to see a different part or episode?  Go HERE for a complete list of completed summaries.

Warning: Spoilers within, and a note that dialogue is not necessarily directly from the episode. This blog also contains completely inappropriate amounts of profanity.

Ranging Leader: We're men of the Night's Watch!  Let's go out and scout for Wildlings, before they cross the Wall and corrupt the South with their wild Wildling ways.

Other Rangers: *shrug* Ok, at least it gets us out of turnip peeling duty for the day.

I'm Gared, the grizzled veteran. See how grizzled I am?

I'm Will, the timid and slightly goofy-looking scout.  I may not be the brightest bulb, but I sure can be quiet!

I'm Ser Waymar Royce, the young and egocentric leader, given "command" of this "very important" ranging so I'd finally shut the hell up about my noble birth.

Together, we are Captain Planet!

That's the Wall.  It's really big, as you can tell.  It keeps out the bad things, like Wildlings, White Walkers, Grumpkins, Snarks, and Oprah Winfrey.

Will:  This sucks.  I'm cold.  At least peeling turnips, I'd be by the fire.  Besides, we're not going to find anything anyway.

Will: Wait...what's that?  A large plume of smoke as if from a campfire?  I am the best scout EVAR!

Will:  Better get a little closer and check it out.  What's the worst that could happen?

Will: *sneak, sneak, sneak*  See how good at sneaking I am?

Will: Peekaboo!  I see you, Wildlings!

Hi!!!!!!

Will:  Oh, Gods!

What? It's only a flesh wound.

Will: Holy fuck.

Come play with us, Will!

 

Will: I'm getting the fuck out of here.

Hey there, sailor!  Where you going so fast-like?

Will: Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

Will: Hey, you guys!  There's a bunch of dead Wildlings over there!  Something horrible killed them, all ritual-style.

Ser Waymar: Meh, probably just a rival Wildling band cut them down.  Let's go check it out.

Will: Are you out of your fucking gourd?

Gared:  Yeah, what Will said.

Ser Waymar:  You heard me.  Mount up, bitches.

Gared: Freakin idiot....

Ser Waymar: There's nobody here.  It appears your dead men have moved camp, Will. Go find them. Gared and I will stay here, where nothing possibly bad could happen to us.

Will: Sounds like a plan.

Ser Waymar: What the heck is that?

Gared:  It's somebody's entrails.  Hey, what's that behind you?

Ser Waymar: Really Gared, do you think I'd fall for the oldest trick in the book?

Gared:  No, seriously, Ser. Seven save us, it's a White Walker.

Ser Waymar:  Hm, so it is.

White Walker: ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 Will: The fuck was that?

Will: The fuck is THIS?!?

Wildling Popsicle Zombie: Oh, fancy meeting you again.

Will:  Ok, I'm out.  Screw this.  Run away!  Run away!


TO BE CONTINUED.....  Read the next part HERE: Ep.1 Part 2 - A Nice Day for a Slight Beheading