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Warning: Spoilers within, and a note that dialogue is not necessarily directly from the episode. This blog also contains completely inappropriate amounts of profanity.
'Nuff said.
Bellringer: Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, Banana Phone!
Silent Sisters: ...
Jon Arryn: Well, hello there. So glad you could make it to my funeral. Do try the pickled fetus in glass jar, it is divine. Oh! I forgot to offer you a drink! How silly of me. Would you like coffee, tea.....
Jon Arryn: Or Me? *blows kiss*
Cersei Lannister: I am so thrilled that you are dead, old man, that imma lean here in drippings of birdshit and gloat over your wrinkly ass.
Jaime Lannister: Hey, sis. What crawled up your ass and died? You should be happy that the Hand of the King is dead.
Cersei: I am happy, but worried. Jon Arryn was asking questions about us before he died. He thought we were fucking each other secretly.
Jaime: ....we ARE fucking each other secretly.
Cersei: I know that. My point is, what if he told the King before he died?
Jaime: You worry too much. If the King knew you were giving me head every night, neither one of us would HAVE heads right now.
Cersei: Gods, say it a little louder, why don't you?
Jaime: Settle down, bitch. The only people within earshot are a dead guy and the Silent Sisters. They're called "Silent Sisters" for a reason, you know. By the way, did you know that you're leaning in a big puddle of birdshit?
Cersei: You know, sometimes I really hate your fucking guts.
Jaime: I know. So. Wanna go have angry sex?
Cersei: Does the pope shit in the woods?
Jon Arryn: Can I come with? I like to watch.
~*~*~
Raven: You've got mail, motherfuckers.
Catelyn: Hey, honey-- how's that um...sword cleaning coming?
Ned: Catelyn! I'm glad to see you, light of my life! I wanted to plan our next date night-- I thought maybe we could go into the village-- they're going to shear the sheep tonight, and you know how horny that makes me...
Catelyn: Yeah, about that.... I don't know how to tell you this, but the man you were like a son to is dead.
Ned: You really know how to kill the mood, Cat.
Catelyn: I know, I'm sorry. That's not all though. The King is coming here, and he is bringing his bitch Queen and her whole family with him.
Ned: There's only one reason he could have to travel all the way to this freezing backwater. He must want me to be Hand of the King.
Catelyn: You can always tell him no, Ned.
Ned: One does not simply walk into Mordor, Catelyn.
Ned: Wait, where the fuck am I?
TO BE CONTINUED...